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Jan. 12th, 2010

Everyone who reads this journal probably realises I'm not really one to talk about how depressed my CF makes me feel or how hard it is to wait on transplant, it just doesn't come naturally to me. I'm a glass half full sort of girl and don't get easily depressed (I'm in no way knocking anyone who does by the way) When I talk about my CF I try to emphasize all the positives, tell people what I'm still able to do and how although I might feel crappy now I'll be better in a few days. I decided to submit myself to Live Life to Give Life as a face for their media campaign and am now having to forget all the positives and focus on the hard stuff, otherwise am I a good person to motivate people to sign up to the organ donation register? I never mentioned this before but way back when I was on the list a few months I submitted myself to the CF trust for the very same thing but I obviously was 'too healthy' because I never heard anything from them. I understand now that you need to pull at peoples heart strings to get them to donate and although I may think that I'm healthier than I actually am I really just have to be honest about the struggles and face up to the fact that I'm a poster child for transplant.

I'm actually in hospital at the moment. I've been here a week. I slowly but surely started feeling crappy after Christmas and the day after New Years day I developed chest pain on my upper right lung. I held on until the Tuesday after New Year as it was a bank holiday up here on the Monday and none of my team was in. I had to be wheeled up to the ward and was put in the treatment room and lay on the bed sleeping. They admitted me without even checking me over and I had a bed by mid day where I slept the day away. I found out yesterday that my CRP (infection levels) were over 200. They started me on IV Tementin and Tobramycin. One week in and my CRP is down to around 50 and I'm feeling much more human. I had lost all the weight I put on and now I'm gradually starting to put it back on. I have one more week to go and hopefully they'll set me free.